Friday 28 October 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Hard and soft Brexit both off the table, fancy or silly Brexit now being considered


David Davis

There was shock from all ends of the political spectrum this morning as it became apparent that the Government was no longer considering either hard or soft Brexit as viable.

“The fact is, hard Brexit or soft Brexit won’t work for us,” said an anonymous aide to Brexit minister David Davies.

“I suspect a fancy Brexit is now a very real possibility, although there is probably enough backing to give consideration to a silly Brexit.

“I think that it’s unlikely we’ll get a bouncy Brexit, as some have suggested, or a ribald Brexit, and certainly not a sexy Brexit, I don’t think anyone wants that.”

Labour have reacted to developments with anger.

“This is typical of this Government,” said a Labour insider.

“Blundering into a fancy Brexit with no consultation at all. What about a plump Brexit? An amusing Brexit? Even a slimy Brexit?

“I’m not necessarily saying that this is what I’d favour, ruling them out without consideration is madness.”

The Liberal Democrats joined the chorus of condemnation.

“I’m a bit cross, actually,” said a Liberal Democrat representative.

“I was definitely hoping to see some talk around a curly Brexit or a crispy Brexit.

“Sturdy Brexit, moody Brexit, rampant Brexit, grand Brexit, shrill Brexit. All of these should have been considered.”

However, the public seemed to be taking a more sanguine view.

“Fancy or bouncy? I don’t think so,” sighed a woman on the street.

“I think the only kind of Brexit we’ve got to look forward to is an endless Brexit.”

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