Thursday 27 October 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Growth figures see thousands of Brexiters rushed to hospital with chronic smugness


Brexiter smug with cigar

Brexiters across the nation are packing A&E departments with severe bouts of smugness after figures showed the economy grew by 0.5% in the quarter after the EU referendum.

With triage nurses facing unprecedented queues, medical experts are asking Brexiters to stay at home unless their perma-fixed smug grin is proving extremely painful.

Dr Simon Williams told us, “We do see the odd case of acute smugness, normally after football derbies, or minor domestic disputes, that sort of thing – but we’ve never seen anything on this scale.

“Unfortunately, there’s very little we can do to treat them, medically speaking – this is a condition of the mind, and if you’re someone who was already prone to smugness in your day to day life, then voting Brexit and seeing this morning’s growth figures could well have pushed you over the edge.”

We spoke to Brexit voter Karl Matthews who was stood in a two-hundred person queue outside Wexham Park A&E, and while lighting a cigar, he told us, “We won, you lost, everything is now brilliant, get over it.”

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