Wednesday 26 October 2016 by Neil Tollfree

New Heathrow runway could be built vertically to avoid M25


Heathrow 3rd runway, M25

The proposed third runway at Heathrow may have to be built vertically rather than horizontally in order to avoid the M25.

“Yes, no one told me the M25 was there,” said Chris Grayling, Transport Minister and the only man alive to have been outwitted by a potted plant.

“So, after spending several hundred years deliberating where to put this bally runway, I come up with a brilliant plan to put it at Heathrow and, blow me if these bally engineering chappies don’t start getting all excited because there’s this massive motorway in the way.”

Happily, Mr Grayling used all the power of his brain to form a solution to the problem.

“Well, if you build a runway all flat on the ground then it takes up loads of bally room and gets in the way of motorways and cows and constituents’ houses and whatnot,” he said with a knowing smile.

“But, if you build the runway just pointing straight up, you know, vertically, then the only space that it takes up is in the air, and we’ve got loads of air.”

Mr Grayling was quick to quash concerns about gravity.

“Yes, thought of that. You see, we’re dealing with planes, and planes are built to defy gravity, so they’ll have no problem with a vertical runway.”

Mr Grayling declared himself satisfied with his plans.

“Yes, I’m just brilliant at transport; it’s why on my watch Southern Rail has become such a raging success.”

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