Tuesday 25 October 2016

UKIP leadership candidate John Rees-Evans pledges to send gay rapist donkeys ‘back where they came from’


John Rees Evans UKIP leader

The latest UKIP member to throw his hat in the ring for the party leadership has vowed to rid the nation of homosexual predator donkeys.

John Rees-Evans said he wants to take UKIP forward and make them a legitimate option for government and will do so by focussing on the issues that matter to real people, like being able to walk down the street without fear of being raped by a gay donkey.

“Donkey rape is the scourge of our nation, and something must be done.  Sure, today they’re only raping our horses, but how long before it’s us, our wives and daughters?

“I suppose it could be our husbands and sons, it’s a gay donkey rape we’re talking about here after all.”

Political analyst Simon Williams said that despite him clearly being a lunatic, Rees-Evans stands a good chance of becoming the new UKIP leader.

He told us, “The role of UKIP leader is a formulaic one, obviously. You simply find a scapegoat on which to blame the ills of the nation, and then blame absolutely everything on your new scapegoat.

“Rising crime? Gay rapist Donkeys. Had to wait 8 hours in A&E? Gay rapist donkeys. No seats on the train this morning? Gay rapist donkeys. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s precisely what Nigel Farage did with ‘immigrants’.

“I would imagine Rees-Evans will soon have your average easily-led UKIP voter absolutely terrified of the donkeys at the local sanctuary.

“I predict he’ll be the new UKIP leader by Christmas.”

I think, therefore I am (not a UKIP voter)

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