Tuesday 25 October 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Tickets to watch Boris Johnson lie down in front of Heathrow bulldozers sell out in seconds


Boris bulldozer heathrow

The nation is positively cock-a-hoop at the prospect of watching Boris Johnson get horizontal in front of some construction vehicles.

The enormous blonde child promised the nation that he would lie in front of the bulldozers if plans to expand Heathrow were approved.

“And now it’s happened, and Boris has never promised something he couldn’t deliver,” grinned Dr Simon Williams, who works at one of the many new hospitals that have been built since Brexit.

“I immediately purchased four front-row tickets for me and my family, and I’ve added my name to the draw to switch the ignition on.

“It’s going to be a blinder of a day that will kick Alton Towers in the arse.”

Construction worker, Elizabeth King, said, “No, I’m not a lesbian.

“But also, this is a great day for all of us. It gives us a chance to get people excited about the construction industry, which almost never happens.

“We’re all very grateful to Boris for agreeing to lay down his life for the good of our careers, and for what will no doubt be an absolutely cracking commemorative blu-ray package.”

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