Monday 24 October 2016 by Lucas Wilde

“Most of the REALLY vulnerable refugees died” frothing public assured


Syrian refugees

The baying mob shouting “where are the REALLY vulnerable refugees?!” finally have their answer.

A spokesperson for the Home Office confirmed that a lot of the really, super-duper vulnerable foreign-types tended not to survive the 2300 mile trip through gun-fire, sinking dinghies and crime-riddled refugee camps.

“Yeah, the stronger ones tend to survive, the sick and the lame and the frail generally don’t fare so well,” confirmed Home Office spokesperson, Jay Cooper.

“I mean that’s just a basic law of nature, really. I’m surprised nobody has worked this out without asking, but I guess it gets in the way of a full-throated rant.

“It’s a really, proper dangerous journey which isn’t really suited to vulnerable people so, yeah, a lot of them die, don’t you worry. They won’t be adding to the queue at Waitrose anytime soon.”

Frothing lunatic, Simon Williams, said, “Feel a bit bad now.”

“I just automatically assumed that these people aren’t human and that the more strapping men travelled across Europe and left their families to it, really. Not really sure why I thought that, but then I am a little sceptical of anybody who doesn’t live within two streets of me.

“It didn’t occur to me that the more physically strong people are arriving because only physically strong people could survive the entire ordeal.

“Maybe it’s time to reassess my idea of what it means to be human, maybe I….ooh, look, The Sun just came through the letterbox, nevermind.”

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