Friday 21 October 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Office Christmas party bollocks kicks off in earnest


Office Christmas party bollocks

The tedious run-up to the office Christmas party has begun.

Elizabeth King, 31, sent out an instructive email to the whole office that opened with the line “Hi, gang!”

“Just to let you know that Christmas is coming and we NEED you to decide what you fancy for lunch in a month and a half’s time. Menu attached, I’m having the turkey (OBVS)!!!

“Quick note about the dress code, it’s smart/casual but please, fellas, no jeans and please wear a shirt with buttons. So, essentially dress smart but try and act casual about it. Ladies, wear a dress, don’t slut it up (I’m looking at YOU, Sharon!)”

Procurement manager, Simon Williams, said, “It’s on a Saturday this year.

“The whole point of Christmas parties is you get half a day off work to get pissed. That’s your reward for spending several unnecessary hours a day with people you don’t really like but have to hang around with in order to get paid at the end of the month.

“I’ll be wearing jeans and a t-shirt, safe in the knowledge that the tension around here is such that nobody will want to cause a scene by telling me off.”

Office sex-pest, Jay Cooper, said, “I hope Sharon wears that skirt again. Otherwise I’m feigning illness and going home early for a wank.”

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