Friday 21 October 2016

Millennial demands state pension after age verification software says he is 67


Age verification

32-year-old Simon Williams has demanded his state pension after age verification software used by the Daily Mail insisted he was 67.

Williams explained that although it came as a shock, the software has been shown by the national press to be faultless, so he must, in fact, be a lot older than he thinks he is.

He told us, “I’ll be honest, it’s a bit of a godsend – I’m delighted to have the Daily Mail’s backing that government handouts should only go to those whose age is confirmed by software designed by Microsoft as a bit of a laugh.

“I think the Daily Mail is right, we need to stop helping all these people who are getting benefits but look the wrong age.

“Roger in the house at the end of my street has been retired for three years, but I’ll eat my hat if he’s a day over 55. Age verification software should be used everywhere, definitely.

“Overnight I’ve gone from a zero-hour contract and never dreaming I could ever own my own home, to having an extra £155 a week for doing absolutely nothing, well, apart from having ‘one of those faces’. I literally couldn’t be happier.

“By the way, when is pension day? I ask as I was hoping to get an Xbox One before the weekend.”

I think, therefore I am (Not a Daily Mail reader)

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