Friday 21 October 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump revealed as a 4 year-old child on stilts


Donald Trump

In a stunning development in the race for the US Presidency, it has been revealed that Republican candidate Donald Trump is only four-years-old.

“Yes, you heard that right, Donald Trump is only four-years-old,” confirmed a Republican insider.

“Before every public appearance, we strap him to a set of stilts and fit a suit around him to give the appearance of a fully grown adult.”

It has long been rumoured that Trump’s official age of 70 is a fabrication due to his instance of having meals consisting solely of soda and candy, building a big, silly golden tower, and having unfeasibly small hands and genitals.

The rumours came to a head during the last campaign debate when he had a big sulk, and claimed that if he didn’t win the election ‘then it’s not fair, just not fair, and she must have cheated and she’s a big smelly girl with cooties who smells like a fart’.

“Yeah, that was it,” confirmed the insider.

“We pretty much knew it was over when the candidate sat on the floor in floods of tears, slapping his tiny hands on the floor, shouting ‘smelly cheater Clinton woman’. I think one of the cameras actually picked up a stilt as well.

It is understood that the GOP will continue with the 4-year-old Trump as their candidate as the campaign seems to have proven that huge swathe of Republican support has the emotional and mental capacity of grumpy toddlers.

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