Thursday 20 October 2016 by Davywavy

Julian Assange still receiving secrets through tin cans and string, security experts warn


Julian assange still getting secrets

People are passing secrets to Wikileaks through two cans and a length of string after Julian Assange’s Internet was cut off.

Insiders tell us that Assange lost internet access after hackers changed his password to the name of a girl from Stockholm he claims to have never met.

A rapidly constructed ‘Stringternet’ has been put together from the Ecuadorian embassy in London, which allows whistleblowers to pass classified information to Assange by whispering it into an old Tomato Soup can attached to a lamppost.

Assange then collates the information onto sheets A4 with a typewriter, before making them into paper aeroplanes and throwing them out of the window in a desperate bid to remain relevant.

In a bid to prevent further leaks, police have asked four children and their dog, Timmy, to stake out the Embassy and watch for any foreign-looking chaps picking up the sheets.

“We don’t know what the problem is,” a spokesman for the US Embassy in London said, cracking his knuckles.

“Julian can pop over and use our megafast broadband any time he likes.

“Any time at all.”

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