Thursday 20 October 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Growing demand that ‘children’ be age-verified this Halloween


Age verification for children this halloween

There is growing demand for all trick-or-treaters to be given thorough background and dental checks before being allocated any sweeties this Halloween.

Simon Williams, 61, said, “any so-called ‘children’ banging on my door had better have their dental records ready if they expect any handouts from me.

“I had enough of this last year…a swarm of six foot tall 28 year-olds all feigning high-pitched voices and demanding free sugary snacks. They must think I’m some kind of idiot.

“I doubt they’ll be thoroughly checked anyway, lest we upset the PC brigade.”

Government spokesperson, Elizabeth King, said “I can assure you that all of this year’s trick-or-treaters and general pains-in-the-arse will be genuine children.

“We’ve tempted the imposter adults to stay at home by making sure Gremlins 2 is on the telly. That’ll do the trick.”

Seven-year-old Jay Cooper said, “we generally try to avoid Old Man Williams’ house anyway.

“He gives out these really weird sweets that you can’t find anywhere else that have the texture of felt and taste the way stinging nettles feel.”

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