Wednesday 19 October 2016

Nationalist selflessly sacrifices his sense of humour for his country


Man Angry at joke about his nationality

An ardent nationalist has made the ultimate sacrifice and laid down his sense of humour for the cause of freedom today.

Simon Williams, of the Kettering Liberation Front, made the sacrifice when he encountered an Internet joke titled “Famous people from Kettering” which amusingly had no entries.

Simon, who tirelessly campaigns for a Kettering free of the Imperialist yoke, took to the fray in defence of his beloved motherland and listed the names of all those who have fought for the cause throughout the centuries.

Describing the thread as indicative of a sinister plot by smug, superior Northampton imperialists to hide their guilt at stealing some sheep in 1337ad and whitewash the noble history of Kettering from history, Simon’s sense of humour was pronounced dead by medics at the scene at 9:47 am.

“The first casualty of war is having a bit of a laugh and then getting on with your day,” he told us with heartbreaking sincerity.

“If we allow this atmosphere of anti-Kettering racism to grow then the people will never wake up to their golden future free from the burden of centuries of oppression by the Peterborough/ Northampton/ Leicester elite.

“Wake up sheeple!”, he added, predictably.

Simon has already started an online petition demanding the council put up a memorial in the town centre dedicated to all those whose sense of proportion died in the name of freedom, modestly suggesting that he’d only accept his name in 8-foot tall gold letters if people really demanded his contribution be recognised.

When asked, other residents of Kettering said “Oh, Christ, it’s Simon again. Just nod and smile. He’s not been the same since someone from Market Harborough ran over his hamster.”

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