Monday 17 October 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Northerner has chip surgically removed from shoulder


northerner

Experts are hailing as a medical miracle a surgical procedure carried out to remove the chip from a Northerner’s shoulder.

“I never thought I’d see the day,” said one such expert.

“It has long been assumed that the chip which most Northerners are born with is so deeply embedded into the shoulder that removal would be impossible.”

The chip was removed from Manchester man Simon Williams in a nine-hour procedure carried out in Nottingham’s Queen’s Medical Centre.

“Well, it’s early days,” said Mr Williams.

“But already, just not having to roll my eyes whenever someone mentions London is a relief.

“In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever said the word ‘London’ without having to follow it up with a complaint about the price of beer, how everyone is unfriendly, or how always showing the weather for the South before the North is demonstrable evidence of the clear bias the BBC has towards the Southerners.

“Oh my God, I said ‘Southerners’ not ‘Southern shandies’, this is wonderful.”

It is expected that the procedure could become available on the NHS within a year, and Northerners seem set to welcome the procedure.

“Aye, it’ll certainly be grand not to have to carry around this inherent bitterness against the South with me all the time,” said Eleanor Gay, a Burnley woman.

“But, I dare say that it’ll only be available in London. I mean that’s how it works; they always get all that sort of thing first.

“And no one even says ‘Hello’ to each other, either.”

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