Sunday 16 October 2016 by JS Harding

Woman hiker admits she knew branch would twang into husband


couple hiking

Marital relations between a husband and wife from Leeds were strained last night after the wife admitted she purposefully let a thorny branch twang back into her husband after she had pushed her way past it.

Simone Williams, 35, and her husband Simon, also 35, had been bickering all morning whilst walking through local woodlands when the incident occurred, leading Mr Williams to say ‘ow’ and then sulk for several hours.

Mr Williams claimed he had just been making conversation with his wife, telling us, “Y’know I was pointing out how the woods is full of stuff that could be used in an emergency survival situation… berries, fishing rods made from twigs… when this branch, all covered in spiky bits- whacked right into me!

“It scratched my neck and face, somehow getting through my forty quid Bear Grylls snood!

“I knew she meant to do it. She hadn’t said a word since I told her to keep an eye out for weak squirrels that we could hunt and eat for dinner.

Recalling her version of events, Simone confessed, “He had been doing my nut in the entire walk.

“We were only going round the bloody woods but he was acting like we were halfway up Kilimanjaro.

“I blame Channel 4. They show far too many reality survival shows aimed at impressionable men nearing a mid-life crisis.

“He normally can’t be arsed to walk to the shop.

Mr Williams is said to be convalescing well and almost out of his sulk.

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