Friday 14 October 2016 by Formelia Alberthine

Gorilla returns to Zoo enclosure after spending five minutes with British public


Gorilla

Kumbuka, the Silverback Gorilla, has returned to his enclosure at London Zoo after spending a few minutes with a representative sample of the British public.

The 29 stone primate said he’d always wondered what it must be like on the other side of the glass, but soon realised it’s an environment populated by vain simpletons merely pretending to be happy.

Kumbuka told reporters from his enclosure, “Look, I’m not going to lie, I quite liked the idea of being out there with you lot. You seem to be having an alright time.

“But clearly that glass hid a multitude of sins. I got involved in a conversation with one woman who spent ten minutes moaning about the buses. Not the freedom she enjoys on a daily basis, or that she’s not in constant mortal danger, or ever left hungry, or even the beauty that’s all around her – but that she had to stand on the bus this morning. Ten whole minutes.

“Then these two girls came over and just wanted to know who I thought will win X Factor, what is an X Factor?

“Worse still, I saw some twat with a pint and a fag on the television likening me to Donald Trump, the cheeky fucker.

“The final straw was when some old boy said my sort wasn’t welcome around here and I should go back to where I came from.

“So I did, and I couldn’t be happier having the glass between us once again.”

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