Tuesday 11 October 2016 by Raggedyman

“We’re not killer clowns” confirm Goths


Goths not killer clowns

Members of the Goth community have voiced concerns about being mislabelled as Killer Clowns.

Known for terrifying children due to appearing in public wearing outlandish costumes and acting creepy, Goths are worried that they will get associated with the current craze for Clowns appearing in public wearing outlandish costumes and being intentionally creepy.

“Just because we wear excessive amounts of white foundation and have elaborately painted faces doesn’t mean we look anything like clowns,” announced Madam Tricky Fofo of the Union of Goths.

“We are getting more and more reports of people asking Goths if they are just dressed like that to shock members of the public, and then when they say ‘yes’ being asked if they are clowns.

“It’s an affront to our dignity to assume that if we are wearing archaic clothing and mumbling about death and punishment that we are clowns, when we just had a heavy night on the snakebite.

“Admittedly, those of us wearing Crow makeup don’t help things, but when did you last see an overweight clown wearing leather bondage trousers?

“To make it clear: Clowns hang around parks in an attempt to look spooky, Goths go to graveyards to do it.”

Cultural Anthropologist Brian Hapstand, who has been studying the Killer Clown phenomenon, confirmed that the two groups are in fact, totally separate.

“The main thing to remember is that Goths are actually quite harmless, and have consistently failed to shock the public since Marilyn Manson showed everyone his bum hole.

“Despite an obsession with death and a childish need for attention, Clowns and Goths are actually quite easy to tell apart once you know how.

“Just yell ‘The latest Cure album was shite’ or, if you’re feeling especially cruel, ask how long they’ve been into the Insane Clown Posse.

“If the mascara starts running then you know it’s a Goth.”

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