Monday 10 October 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Trump finishes Presidential debate without grabbing anyone’s vagina


Trump didn't grab a pussy

Republican candidate Donald Trump’s campaign team has hailed last night’s town hall debate a triumph after Mr Trump ended the debate without grabbing the pussy of anyone in the audience, or his opponent.

“Donnie did good. He did real good,” said Satan, Donald Trump’s policy advisor.

“I mean, it was a close thing, there were a couple of times I saw him look across at the Clinton woman, particularly when she was discussing his tax returns, and I thought ‘he’s going to go’ and just run across the stage and grab her p*ssy.

“But he didn’t, and that’s a big, big win for us.

“I mean, if we’ve learnt anything in the past few days, it’s that the American people don’t like Donald Trump grabbing women’s p*ssies.”

It seems that his behaviour has reassured some wavering Republican supporters.

“Well, at least now I can be a little more confident that if he meets the German Chancellor or UK Prime Minister there won’t be a major international incident,” said a Republican senator who wished to remain anonymous.

Anticipating a potential problem, the campaign team came up with a particularly novel way of preventing Mr Trump from acting on his natural instincts.

“Yeah, we had a whole bunch of cats backstage,” continued Satan.

“So in the hour or so before he went on, if Donnie felt like grabbing some pussy then he could just go right ahead and do so without some dumb-assed liberal getting their panties in a wad about it.”

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