Saturday 8 October 2016 by Davywavy

Trump takes commanding poll lead in crucial sexual predator demographic


Donald Trump

Donald Trump has opened an unassailable 65-point lead with the sexual predator demographic, according to polls released this morning.

The boost follows the release of recordings of Trump explaining his seduction techniques, which appear to appeal to a comparatively small but highly enthusiastic group of supporters.

Amongst men aged 18-35 who have been arrested and charged with sexual assault his approval ratings topped 90% in overnight polling, leaving opponent Clinton a mountain to climb if she is to attract the creepy trailer-dweller vote.

Pollsters admit that Clinton has ‘no chance’ of making any headway with men over thirty who still live with their mothers.

Moreover, their mothers also seem to prefer Trump, although canvassers indicate a ‘significant possibility’ that in most cases they were just asking the same men who had put on a dress and a high-pitched voice.

Other demographics expected to turn out in force for Trump include men who hang around near playgrounds watching girls doing handstands and people suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

“Trump boasting about ‘grabbing women by the pussy’ has put him over the top amongst men who have a dry well in the cellar and some lotion in a basket,” polling analyst Simon Williams told us.

“I can’t see there’s any way Clinton can come back from this unless she does indeed put the lotion on her skin as demanded.”

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