Thursday 6 October 2016 by Davywavy

Zombie apocalypse fails to respect Safe Spaces


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The rise of the hungry dead from their graves and their hideous feast upon the flesh of the living has today been criticised for failing to respect duly designated Safe Spaces.

Safe Spaces are set aside as a place where people can be fully self-expressed without being challenged or made to feel uncomfortable, and organisers on university and college campuses across the country say that they consider it outrageous that reality has chosen to intrude in the form of rampaging man-eating ghasts.

People who had chosen to withdraw to a non-threatening environment to avoid being torn limb from limb by the ravening horde have described the failure of shutting the door and hoping it would all go away as ‘unacceptable’, and demanded that someone do something.

“I fully respect the right of the cannibal ghoul community to practice their cultural traditions, but I must insist that they do it where people won’t feel challenged by such activities”, said Simon Williams, Space coordinator at Kettering Pretend University.

“We’ve asked for an outreach meeting with their awful leaders to talk through our differences in a non-judgemental environment.”

“Until then, I must ask that they cease gnawing upon either of my legs, or the Student Union will move to ‘no platform’ them in future debates.”

Although most universities have similarly rejected the zombie plague, De Montford Uuniversity has invited their applications as they’ll take anyone.

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