Wednesday 5 October 2016 by Fat Jim

Brexit minister disappears in canoe mystery


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In a mysterious turn of events David Davis, the Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, has disappeared from the Conservative Party Conference and was last seen getting into a canoe on a Birmingham canal.

Mr Davis was captured on CCTV at a Solihull outdoor pursuits centre buying a canoe and was last seen paddling up the Grand Union canal very, very fast indeed. Police have questioned his family, who said that he had shown no interest in canoeing up to this point, but that he had recently been home to pick up his passport, offshore account details and his favourite pair of Speedos.

Mr Davis had just delivered his speech, detailing how his department would renegotiate every single trade deal that Britain had had again from scratch only this time with more favourable terms, but was reportedly nervous and jittery throughout, with large patches of sweat soaking through his shirt.

The canoe was later found half-submerged in a disused quay close to Birmingham International airport. The police confirmed that they had found Mr Davis’s shoes floating on the water and could only assume that he had fallen out of the canoe and been eaten by a very large pike.

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