Tuesday 4 October 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Schrödinger’s Conservative discovered: simultaneously votes Tory and bemoans everything being awful


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A new type of voter, nicknamed Schrödinger’s Conservative, has been discovered, who will always vote Tory and yet constantly bemoans the lack of investment in parks, poor public transport, and problems with the NHS.

“They are the living embodiment of Schrödinger’s famous thought experiment,” said Simon Williams, professor of dubious analogies at Oxford University.

“They will vote Tory because they consider the Tories the only party capable of competent rule. But simultaneously they believe the country to be in a perilous state because of poor governance and corrupt self-interest.”

Whilst in the case of Schrödinger’s famous cat the box could theoretically be opened in order to discover which of the two opposing states the feline was in, there is seemingly no equivalent ‘box’ for Schrödinger’s Conservative, as their natural state seems to be to hold the two opposing views at the same time.

“Perhaps reason is their box?” continued Professor Williams.

“If the Schrödinger’s Conservative applied reason to the situation, they would understand that they are holding two seemingly opposing views in their head, and by using reason they could open the box and discover whether they truly support the Tory party, or whether they actually believe the country to be in its current dismal state because of six years of rule by the Tory party.”

Professor Williams does, however, consider a third option.

“They could just be completely shit-thick.”

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