Friday 30 September 2016 by Davywavy

Bag for Life wears out


Bag for Life dies

A middle-class man is furious today after the handle came off his Waitrose ‘Bag for Life’ only one year after he bought it.

Simon Williams, 42, told us that the bag, which cost him 10p in October 2015, has ‘barely been used’ aside from his regular shopping trips to Waitrose the deli and the farmer’s market, taking files to work on his bicycle, trips to the recycling bins, and carrying buckets, spades, towels and assorted paraphernalia when visiting the beach with his delightful, talented children.

Despite what he describes as ‘careful and moderate use’, the handle came off his bag at 5:37pm yesterday when he was carrying several bottles of Zinfandel and La Cadence Cadigan, leading to a net loss of £37.20.

Describing the failure as “The most blatant breach of the Trades Descriptions Act I’ve ever seen”, Simon plans to visit his local Citizens Advice Bureau for information on how to proceed against Waitrose.

“A ‘bag for life’ they call it?” He said.

“Well, I’m not dead, am I? Not yet, anyway, ha-ha!

“They should have called it a ‘Bag for a Year’, shouldn’t they? That would have been more accurate. Hey, did you hear what I said? ‘They should have called it a bag for a year’. That’s pretty funny. Will I get on Newsnight?”

A spokesman for Waitrose said if he brings it to the shop they’ll give him a new one if that’ll just get him to shut the fuck up with his whining.

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