Thursday 29 September 2016 by Tommy Charles

‘Tube Chat’ badge set to be outperformed by ‘Piss Off You Freak’ badge


Tube badges

New badges being handed out on the London Underground that are designed to encourage commuters to have a conversation with each other have been branded a failure as a rival badge has taken the city by storm.

The ‘Piss Off You Freak’ badge, which aims to repel any total psychopath that things talking to a stranger in London is acceptable, has already been adopted by thousands of travellers in the capital.

It is unknown who is producing the Tube Chat badges, but it is believed they wish to remain anonymous out of fear of reprisals from victims of unsolicited small talk attacks, which have reportedly increased tenfold since their distribution began.

Transport for London have distanced themselves from both schemes, only officially endorsing their pregnancy and disability badges, but commuters are overwhelmingly in favour of the POYF version.

“There is an epidemic of unwanted conversation in this city at the moment, clearly brought about by foreigners and northerners flocking here in droves,” said Aaron Child, a Londoner.

“Somebody approached me this morning to talk about the weather, rather than asking for directions or general assistance, and I have had to take the day off work sick.

“I’m heading home now, hopefully this badge will discourage these savages from trying to engage with me any further.”

The Tube Chat badge comes with a card explaining that Londoners will “benefit from a daily chat”, but information attached to the POYF badge seeks to dispel this myth.

“Everyone around you in this hellish labyrinth of body odour and stress would benefit from a punch in the face,” it says.

“Avoid having to touch or speak to these freaks by letting them know you require them to immediately fuck off with this handy badge.”

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