Tuesday 27 September 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Trump claims to have travelled to Mars, invented yoghurt, and competed in two Olympics


Trump debate claims

Donald Trump used last night’s fiery Presidential debate to defend his character, making claims with regard to space travel, dairy products, Olympic prowess, and numerous other achievements.

Mr Trump’s resolute defence of his character began when Mrs Clinton accused him of not having the right temperament to be President.

“Secretary Clinton,” boomed the alarmingly coiffured maniac.

“In the sixties, at the request of John Lennon, I developed the techniques of transcendental meditation. So I think my temperament is just terrific. Just terrific. I have the best temperament.”

Mr Trump also took time to defend his record on race relations.

“Well, you know, she talks about my relationship with minority groups, but if she just looked into history just a little, she’d know that Martin Luther King didn’t write his ‘I had a dream’ speech on his own.

“It was me who thought of the ‘I had a dream’ part.”

Mr Trump went on the attack over Mrs Clinton’s recent health scare.

“Hey, no one can help being ill, but I have special invincibility powers bestowed on me by the Earth’s sun because of my Kryptonian heritage so I don’t get these Earth illnesses.”

The rancorous debate closed with no clear winner.

It is understood that Mr Trump will use the next debate appeal to the religious right by describing his personal friendship with Jesus Christ, claiming they play golf together once a month.

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