Thursday 22 September 2016 by Davywavy

North Korean Internet impossible to satirise


North Korean Internet

Jokes about the North Korean Internet being only eight pages of how great Kim Jong-Un is are actually all true, it turns out.

North Korea accidentally left access to their web network open earlier this week, allowing outsiders to confirm that, yes, it really does consist of about eight pages of coverage of how super the Darling Leader is and how everyone else is really, really evil.

“America is extra-special double evil due to lacking wise guidance of Juche ideal!” ran one typical bitingly topical headline.

Distressingly for the North Koreans, their Internet contains no porn, although it’s possible that a page of photos of a beaming Kim looking at missiles may meet state-approved guidelines for masturbatory purposes.

Internet users were quick to point out DPRK websites contain no pictures of kittens, making the whole thing entirely worthless.

Online joke writers are distressed that this revelation further reduces the ever-dwindling store of things they can write about which haven’t turned out to be true.

“North Korea is one of my standard fallbacks when I’m short of ideas or feeling lazy,” Internet gagster Simon Williams told us.

“I actually ran a joke a while back about how the Internet in North Korea went down when the hamster died. I’m worried that one will come true now as well.

“So far all the shit I’ve made up about Donald Trump, Jeremy Corbyn, ISIS and North Korea has later turned out to be entirely accurate. I’m going to be out of a job at this rate.

“You couldn’t make it up. No matter how hard you try.”

Simon went on to tell us that now his North Korea Internet routine has turned out to be real news he’s going to have to think of a new set of easy shorthand jokes.

“I’m thinking of one where I talk about doing something outrageous and possibly illegal – frotting with a hedgehog or something – and the punchline is ‘and then I got off the bus’.

“That’s pretty original, right?”

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