Thursday 22 September 2016 by Davywavy

Bake Off now worth £4.79


Bake Off worthless

GBBO, which was sold for £25m to Channel 4 last week, has been valued at £4.79 after the entire presenting team quit.

Despite being offered a million quid each to stay, Mel, Sue and Mary Berry took one look at the new arrangements and didn’t let the door hit them on the way out of the studio.

Paul Hollywood is understood to be still in negotiation, saying that a million pounds is very attractive but Channel 4 will need to bake it into a gigantic pie with rich, crisp pastry that stays on the palate for him to be able to swallow it.

In revaluing the programme, executives took into account previous examples where an established presenting team all left but producers tried to keep the format alive, with shows such as Top Gear and concluded that the worth was now “somewhere between sod all and bugger all”.

“It turns out what audiences like are presenters they feel happy and comfortable with, and have built a rapport with over time,” said telly expert Simon Williams.

“Far be it for me to criticise Channel Four, but some might suggest it would have been wise to ensure the staff would stick with the show before they spaffed twenty-five million spondoolinks on it, rather than after.

“I mean, just saying.”

Upon learning that they’d just pissed twenty-five big ones up the wall for a product that’s now largely worthless, senior management at Channel 4 are understood to have very soggy bottoms indeed.

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