Wednesday 21 September 2016 by Tommy Charles

‘If the Earth isn’t flat how come I can see to the end of my garden’, scoffs UKIP’s Douglas Carswell


Douglas Carswell

After being educated on the basic principles of gravity by respected academics, UKIP MP Douglas Carswell has expressed his disbelief by questioning a number of scientific facts.

In an exchange with Professor Paul Nightingale, a senior researcher at the University of Sussex, Carswell sought to discredit his analogy that principles of international trade bore similarities to gravitational physics.

Responding to the analogy, UKIP’s only MP boldly claimed that the sun was responsible for moving tides on Earth, before being presented with an array of scientific evidence to the contrary.

“This is typical of Remainers peddling outright lies,” Carswell exclaimed, “Next you’ll be telling me the Earth isn’t flat!

“Perhaps in your crazy world the Universe wasn’t created in 7 days, maybe buoyancy can be explained by something other than witchcraft, or is somebody going to say that the weather isn’t remotely affected by gay marriage?

“It’s basic science and frankly this is just further evidence that these so-called experts cannot be trusted.”

Scientists are in unanimous agreement that the moon’s gravity is responsible for the movement of tides and this has been generally accepted as a fact for hundreds of years.

Many prominent members of the science community have waded into the debate, with the ‘nicest guy in science’ Professor Brian Cox asking: “How the fuck is this stupid cunt an MP?”

Professor Stephen Hawking added: “If I could move my hands I’d be totally face-palming right now.”

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