Tuesday 20 September 2016 by Davywavy

Keanu Reeves put under management of the Forestry Commission


Keanu Reeves

Actor Keanu Reeves has been saved from being made into furniture at the last minute after he was placed under the management of the Forestry Commission.

Reeves was only days away from being acquired by Oak Furnitureland and made into an occasional table and set of garden recliners, so the move marks a welcome victory for Reeves’ fans.

He joins several other actors including Hayden Christensen, Kristen Stewart and Jean-Claude van Damme in the management programme, where the forestry commission ensures they are kept regularly watered and given enough exposure to sunlight whilst protecting them from illegal logging.

“The forestry commission has a long history of managing impressive stands of wood including the New Forest, the Forest of Dean, and Mila Kunis,” said spokesman Simon Williams.

“To have saved Keanu Reeves at literally the last minute is a real relief, as now he can get on with making more films like The Day The Earth Stood Still or Matrix Revolutions.”

When asked if Reeves would be pressing ahead with the mooted Bill & Ted 3, his management looked bemused and asked why anyone would want that.

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