Tuesday 20 September 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Concept of marriage officially dead


Brangelina Divorce

Marriage has finally been declared dead after even the two most beautiful people in the world couldn’t do it.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are set to divorce after eleven years together which presumably was full of the most perfectly fantastic sex you’ve ever imagined.

“And they still packed it in,” sighed scientist, Simon Williams.

“It’s the final nail in the coffin for marriage. I mean, LOOK at those two. If God had two faces, it would be those ones.

“If they couldn’t stick it out then God help me. My wife has a face like the back end of an abattoir.

“The time has come for all of us to realise that we are the only animals that do marriage at all, and the other animals are laughing at us for it.

“I’m going to have a bash at Sue on reception. I reckon she’ll be well up for getting inappropriate.”

Jolie and Pitt’s divorce is set to be a bitter one as they fight for custody over half the population of Africa.

“But they’re both still really pretty,” concluded Williams.

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