Monday 19 September 2016 by Davywavy

Plucky underdog Vladimir Putin unexpectedly wins Russian election


Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin’s United Russia party has defied all the odds to take unexpected victory in Russian elections, the world has been totally shocked to learn.

Putin, who says he is very much the underdog in his battles with the entrenched forces massed against him, swept to a stunning victory which absolutely nobody expected – least of all him.

A series of hard-hitting exposes on Russia Today had seriously damaged Putin’s standing in recent weeks, including “Putin – not 100% perfect”, broadcast at 3:30am on a Tuesday morning, and “Vladimir Putin. is there anything he can’t do?!” which the government decried as ‘unfairly critical’ of the Premier.

In the wake of these broadsides from the mainstream media, Putin’s government demanded and got both an 8-hour long slot to put their side of the story and the editorial director reposted to an exciting new opportunity in Vladivostok.

Meanwhile, news press throughout Russia were unified in their hostility to Putin, and it was only his incredible charm and charisma which won them over to his side late in the day.

Despite these attacks and setbacks, the party somehow managed to scrape a victory in the country’s Parliamentary elections, with anyone who wanted to vote against them simply deciding to stay at home out of shame and for no other reason.

Humbly thanking Russians for returning his party to power, Putin pledged to run the country for all true Russians.

When asked what a ‘true Russian’ was, Putin said that his supporters would ensure that anyone who isn’t a true Russian would find out about it in no uncertain fucking terms.

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