Tuesday 13 September 2016 by Rob Hearn

Donald Trump to release health report confirming impressively large hands


Donald Trump has small hands

In the wake of the revelation that Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is suffering from pneumonia, her Republican rival Donald Trump has announced plans to release a ‘very, very specific’ health report confirming the impressively large size of his hands.

“This last week I took a physical and I’ll be releasing when the numbers come in,” Trump told Fox News.

“But I can tell you now that they’re huge. Huge numbers. You’ve never seen such big numbers anywhere.

“Only 40 Wall Street is as big as these numbers, that’s the only thing as big.”

Trump has strenuously denied allegations that his hands – and by extension his genitals – are of less than average magnitude in the past, and will seek to draw a line under the issue when his latest medical report is released in a few days.

Along with confirming that Trump’s hands are enormous, the report – which was written in pencil on the back of a golf scorecard – is expected to show that he is 6’7’’ tall with a BMI of 20, and has the blood pressure and resting pulse rate of an 18-year-old triathlete.

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