Monday 12 September 2016 by Matt Ward

New project at work nowhere near as exciting as codename suggests


new project name misleading

Companies across the UK are using mysterious and dramatic codenames to describe eye-wateringly dull pieces of work, it has emerged.

Employees report being duped into joining projects that sound exciting but turn out to be utter shit-fests to be avoided at all costs.

Office worker, Simon Williams, said: “My manager asked me if I ‘wanted in’ on something called ‘Project Oracle’ tapping her nose twice and winking as she said it.

“I agreed immediately, only to find out it’s an audit of all the stationery cupboards on our floor.

“A group of us were then signed up to a confidential initiative codenamed ‘Project Geneva’ which sounded like an exciting new venture in Switzerland, but is actually about organising mass redundancies in our Operations department.”

CEO, Eleanor Gay, revealed plans to announce several new and exciting initiatives at her company.

“We need to scan around 20,000 paper files into a digital format using two very cheap scanners that don’t really work properly,” she said.

“That one’s called ‘Project Mountain Lion’.

“We’ve also got six vending machines that need moving up to the seventh floor – or as I like to refer to it, Operation Spearhead.”

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