Monday 12 September 2016

David Cameron to stand down as MP to pursue dream of becoming pig farmer


David Cameron MP Whitney

Former Prime Minister David Cameron is to stand down as MP of Witney after admitting he can wait no longer to pursue his ‘true calling’ of raising pigs.

Despite having another four years to serve as an MP, Cameron explained to reporters that his porcine dream weighed too heavily on his heart while sitting on the backbenches.

He explained, “I had very much intended to stay on as an MP until 2020, but today as I sit here in Parliament, all I can think about is pigs. Lovely, lovely pigs.

“For many years now I’ve dreamt of raising pigs of my very own, moulding them into the sort of adult pigs that I really like, and then doing completely normal pig-related things to them.

“Samantha and I have discussed it – at length – and she is fully supportive of my plan and is happy for me to spend ‘as much time as I bloody want with the pigs’ as long as I also take at least one of the many disgustingly lucrative non-exec roles I’ve been offered.

“And maybe give the odd after-dinner speech at twenty-grand a pop.”

Cameron then ended the press conference by showing reporters his new wellies that go up past his knees.

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