Monday 12 September 2016 by Spacey

David Cameron begins search for new thing to fuck up


David Cameron, resign, MP

After announcing he is quitting as MP for Witney, former prime minister David Cameron has begun his search for something else to cause irreparable damage to.

Mr Cameron campaigned in the 2010 general election on the promise he would fix ‘Broken Britain’, but then spent the next six years smashing it into tiny pieces before sweeping it into a dustpan and putting it in the bin.

Speaking in his constituency, he said it had been a “great honour” to irreversibly ruin the country, but said it would be difficult to remain on the backbenches.

“I don’t to be a distraction from the work of the new government,” he said.

“Especially when I can earn shitloads of cash on the after dinner speaking circuit.”

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