Saturday 10 September 2016 by Davywavy

Britain is woefully unprepared for the thing I told it to vote for, says Liam Fox


Liam Fox

Britain is woefully unprepared for the thing I told it to vote for and it’s everyone’s fault but mine, Trade Secretary Liam Fox has announced today.

Describing other people as ‘fat and lazy’, Fox criticised Britons for not doing anything like enough to mitigate against the consequences of his actions, and said he expected everyone to pull their finger out to make his fantastic notion work.

The Trade Minister rejected any idea that kicking over forty years of established market and trade networks might be disruptive to other people’s lives, and instead told us that businesses having adapted to market conditions was ‘stupid complacency’.

Fox, who has never held any role in business or exporting but still knows best,  described Brexit as a fantastic opportunity for other people to do loads more work that they hadn’t prepared for at all, and then went on to praise his excellent man-management skills.

“People need to be ready for the new opportunities I’m creating for them,” he said.

“For example, we’ll have a free trade deal with Australia no more than five or ten years after the EU gets one, so be ready everyone!

“The opportunities will be coming any time now.

“Any…time…now…” he added, looking at his watch.

“Why haven’t you all started working harder yet?”

Business leaders have responded poorly to Fox’s observations, pointing out that the reason they’d spent their lives working hard was specifically so they could stop and go and play golf, rather than have to pick up and start all over a-fucking-gain on his say so.

Prime Minister Theresa May told reporters that Mr Fox was expressing his private opinions, before retreating to her office where she laughed without stopping for ten full minutes.

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