Friday 9 September 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Kanye West welcomes prospect of Grammy Schools


Kanye West

Warbling prick, Kanye West, doesn’t see why everyone is opposed to turning kids into musical Gods like him.

Mr Kardashian believes that Grammy Schools- as he’s 110% sure they are called- will provide a tremendous boost to those wishing to be as much a self-absorbed, pouting twunt-budgie as he is.

“It’s wonderful. All kids should learn how to win Grammy Awards,” said West, still not smiling.

“I am the greatest of all time but one day I’ll be dead, which will be heartbreaking for all of you on this earth. There needs to be a new Kanye after that, and a Grammy School will help us find The One – hang on, no, I’m The One, we need to find The Two.

“I don’t feel bad for those kids that don’t pass the 11+. They’ll be able to go to lesser schools and carve out a living as Elvis tribute acts, I guess.”

Kanye’s long-suffering assistant, Simon Williams, said, “this is why we don’t let him watch the news.

“He only ever pays half-attention to anything that isn’t his own reflection and then he ends up looking around 7% more foolish than usual.

“Here are several copies of my CV. Please distribute them to literally anyone.”

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