Thursday 8 September 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Parliament to move to local Wetherspoons while Westminster repairs take place


Parliament moving to wetherspoons

MPs will be holding sessions in The Tap and Bucket until the palace of Westminster is glued back together.

The local drinking establishment – a Wetherspoons franchise – is well known for being frequented by drunks, vagrants, deviants and people spoiling for a fist-fight over nothing in particular.

“So it’s an ideal temporary home for the House of Commons,” beamed Labour MP, Simon Williams.

“We’ve got a pool going to see who gets glassed first. Tim Farren is the front-runner at the moment; no particular reason, he’s just got one of those faces.

“Everyone is also particularly interested to see how Theresa May handles Prime Ministers’ questions from a group of politicians who are more than typically drunk.

“It’s probably going to be an utter shambles, which is in keeping with how we’ve run parliamentary sessions for centuries.”

Jay Cooper, landlord of The Tap and Bucket, said “as long as they clear out in time for karaoke on Wednesday nights, I’m not bothered.

“I’m keeping an eye on Michael Gove, though. I hear he has a habit of swiping glasses and taking them home with him.”

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