Thursday 8 September 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Japan now completely free of lank-haired girl ghosts


Girl coming out of TV

Japan today announced that the last lank-haired girl ghost in the country has been eliminated and it is now 100% lank-haired girl ghost free.

“I am pleased to announce that Japan has defeated the scourge of lank-haired girl ghosts,” said a representative from the Japanese tourist board.

“We are confident that you could stare into any screen anywhere in Japan and not have a terrifying, starey-eyed visage look back at you signalling your inevitable and immediate death.”

Japan has suffered from a preponderance of lank-haired girl ghosts since the turn of the century, with the worst years being 2004-2005 when it is estimated that every television, well or elevator was populated with at least one lank-haired girl ghost.

“I’ll be honest, they were a total pain in the arse,” said Japanese salaryman Simon Williams.

“Just getting into your flat was a trial. You’d get to the elevator and there’d either be some lank-haired girl ghost staring out at you, or there’d be one of the neighbours gibbering with terror in the corner.

“Either way, you’d have to wait for the next elevator.

“Then you’d get home and you’d barely have time to open your robot octopus porn comic before there was another lank-haired girl ghost crawling out of the telly.

“We’re well shot of them, if you ask me.”

Following the successful elimination of the lank-haired girl ghost, Japan has pledged to completely eradicate all android gang members with terrifying psychic powers.

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