Wednesday 7 September 2016 by Fat Jim

Spit the Dog drowns in ‘spit hood’ after routine stop and search


Spit the Dog drowns in spit hood

In an unfortunate incident the legendary canine celebrity, Spit the Dog, has drowned in his own spit after Met Police used a trial Spit Hood following a routine stop and search.

Hilarious Spit is best remembered for spitting when distressed, excited or in disagreement with basic instruction.

We spoke to eyewitness Simon Williams, who is also a member of the ‘Black Dogs Matter’ movement.

“This is just another layer we have uncovered in the institutionalised racism within the Met.

“There are plenty of white dogs on the street, but the Met have chosen to ‘randomly’ stop a black one with a bit of bling and celebrity.”

After refusing to empty his neck pouch for the officers, Spit was approached with batons, cuffs and a taser, at which point he began his normally hilarious spitting routine.

Officers thought the aggravated pooch might also bite which is when the spit hood was applied.

As one explained, “He was reasonably calm before the spit hood was used but after it went on, oh boy, this is when it kicked off.

“We had now disorientated the pooch, limited his breathing, caused immense panic and an overall high level of humiliation, this is when the spitting became incessant.”

Unfortunately, Spit then choked to death on the high levels of saliva inside the hood. Police made attempts to save him at the roadside by repeatedly kicking him in the ribs, but efforts failed.

The Met has been questioned why they stopped a normal back dog walking down the street, and face accusations that the Met’s actions had caused him to be violent which resulted in the death of yet another innocent black dog.

The officers involved insist they could see the hidden violence in Spit’s casual swagger, and this was another instance where stop and search has been successfully used to protect the public from dangerous criminals.

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