Wednesday 7 September 2016 by Davywavy

Matt Murdock banned from competing at the Paralympics


Matt Murdock paralymics

Blind New York Lawyer Matthew Murdock has been sensationally sent home from the Rio Paralympics for ‘blatantly taking the piss’.

Murdock, who was entered for most blind events at the game including gymnastics and martial arts, had been expected to take more gold medals than Michael Phelps until the shock decision.

Team USA have protested the decision, claiming that Murdock’s incredible abilities were simply the result of his hard training and bravery.

“He’s a bit of a daredevil,” they insisted.

Murdock’s Team USA teammate Tony Stark, whose prosthesis allows him to outrun other athletes at speeds of up to 2,600mph, has also been sent home.

The IOC confirmed that Murdock wanting to take part in the blind football was the final straw.

“We appreciate that Murdock is genuinely blind after a nuclear accident in his youth, but we don’t think he was telling the whole story when he applied to compete in the games,” we were told.

“There’s a team from Japan who can compete with him in the martial arts, but nobody in the football.

“He can smell the ball and ‘watch’ it with some sort of supernatural radar. That’s clearly an unfair advantage.”

Murdock says he will appeal the decision, which he expects will be quite easy as not only is he a hot-shot lawyer but he can also appear dangling from a grapple outside IOC member’s bedroom windows at 3am.

The British Paralympic football team have also lost their goalkeeper, as despite having no legs he is half fish and can ‘swim’ through the air.

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