Tuesday 6 September 2016 by Andrew Wilson

Catholics welcome promotion of ‘Worst Manager in History’


Vatican promotes Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa has been promoted to Saint in a ceremony at the Vatican, despite an unenviable track record of management failures.

A delighted Pope Francis made the declaration on Sunday which was the final step in a fast track management scheme designed to cover up her failure and mean-spiritedness.

“This is exactly the type of PR exercise Catholics around the world should be proud of,” said the Pope. In Latin.

Her organisation, Missionaries of Charity, had plenty of money but didn’t bother spending it most of the time, choosing instead to concentrate on converting Hindus and Sikhs to Catholicism.

“What’s the point in providing proper care for people during their life if they’re just going to hell for picking the wrong side? Besides, suffering is divine,” explained one former worker.

A spokesman for the church added, “We’re very proud. We’ve managed to brush under the carpet her entire history of mismanagement, poor sanitary conditions, forced religious conversions at the point of death and her association with dubious world leaders all in one fell swoop. It’s amazing”

The Peter Principle Management Institute praised the Catholic Church.

A spokesperson explained, “Taking a humble catholic who started out helping people one by one on the streets of Calcutta and then making them the head of an international organisation with more than 500 branches and 1000’s of employees without any training or selection process was a classic embodiment of the Peter Principle.

“But making her a Saint? Fuck me they really hit it out of the park with that one.”

The Catholic church declined to comment on whether it ever intended to spell Calcutta properly (Kolkata).

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