Monday 5 September 2016 by Steve Williams

Pope accidentally canonises Theresa May


Theresa May

UK Prime minister Theresa May was accidentally anointed ‘Saint Theresa The Redeemer’ yesterday, after an administrative error at the Vatican City’s Department for Canonisation.

At an irreversible and ancient holy ceremony, Mother Theresa of Calcutta was overlooked in favour of the MP for Maidenhead, whose rise from Home Secretary to eternal holy deity has been swift.

May has yet to formally comment on her surprise honour, although a source close to the PM informed reporters that, “error or not, surely it was only a matter of time”.

Her former opponent in the Tory leadership race Andrea Leadsom, herself a lifelong admirer of Mother Theresa of Calcutta was understandably furious.

Upon leaving London restaurant The Ivy, in a state that could best be described as ‘squiffy’ she ranted at the waiting press pack that “she’s not even a f*cking mother!”

May’s first act as Saint will be to attempt to channel the power of the almighty to negotiate terms for Brexit that won’t plunge the UK into a decade-long recession, an act leader of the opposition and atheist Jeremy Corbyn has described as “less likely than Owen Smith getting within 40% of me”.

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