Saturday 3 September 2016

Shakin’ Stevens finally completes ole house renovation


Old house Shakin Stevens

Shakin’ Stevens has announced the belated completion of the renovation of his ole house.

The four-bedroom detached family home will shortly be going on the market, after Stevens declared the house is ‘finally ready’.

The 35-year renovation project is just 34 years behind schedule, but Stevens has declared himself ‘ecstatic’ with the finished product.

He explained, “I’m not really into DIY, and every time I went round I would break into a little song and dance routine, so it’s taken me a little while, but I’m delighted it’s finally finished.

“Back in 1981 I thought fixing shingles would be a five-minute job, but it’s really not – you’ve got to get them laid just right, or it’s not waterproof.

“There were no Youtube instructional videos back then, of course, so I got it wrong. A lot.

“Fixing the floor was a massive pain, and we ended up ripping out the whole thing and starting again, which when you’re as technically inept as I am is another ten-year delay.

“The window panes were actually the easiest thing to repair, especially when we decided to get a firm in to replace them with UPVC windows.

“They’ve been in for fifteen years now, though, so they’re out of warranty and half of them are blown.”

Stevens explained that he’s looking forward to the estate agent’s valuation and finding out if he’ll recoup the approximately £2m of his own labour that he’s invested in the repairs.

He concluded, “The agent is coming round to take photos tomorrow, just as soon as I’ve painted the front door green.”

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