Saturday 3 September 2016 by Davywavy

Pamela Anderson declares porn for losers after people stop paying her to do it


Pamela Anderson on porn

15-times Playboy cover model Pamela Anderson has renounced porn after noticing she no longer gets paid for it.

The announcement follows hard on the heels of her last ever adult shoot in December 2015.

Anderson declared pornography ‘for losers’, which marks a significant shift in her attitudes in the weeks since people stopped giving her money to display her wares.

More cynical observers suggest there may be a link between these two events, but for the life of us we can’t imagine what that link might be.

She also released a written statement, but to be honest these things are a bit blurry these days and we can’t make out quite what it says.

Speaking to reporters, Pamela said she had failed to notice the negative effects of pornography for the 25 years she spent producing dozens of photo shoots, movies and sex tapes, but now that she thinks about it, porn is totally bad and thanks for all the money.

“Get out there and meet a real person! Stop indulging in meaningless fantasy!” she advised viewers, entirely contradicting her entire well-rewarded life to this point.

Anderson aficionado Simon Williams that he had followed her career with interest for many years, and the news had ‘brought a tear to his eye’.

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