Friday 2 September 2016 by Davywavy

Ming the Merciless declares war on Earth after misreading Pokémon Go as ‘Poke Mongo’


Ming the Merciless, Emperor of the planet Mongo, has declared war on puny Earth after disastrously misinterpreting ‘Pokémon Go’ as Poke Mongo.

In a thunderous voice, the supreme ruler of all life beyond the Imperial Vortex declared that he had suffered the foolish meddling of Earthlings long enough, and their poking of his world was to be their undoing.

An initial bombardment of hot hail and meteorites will be followed by a swift invasion by his aerial battalions of Hawkmen, who Pokémon Go players are, ironically enough, expected to attempt to capture by mistake.

Initial reports of Ming’s plans indicate he will focus his invasion force of beast-men, mutants and peculiar armoured forms on capturing popular local landmarks, which will just to add to the general confusion.

Ming is also understood to have completely got the wrong end of the stick about Team Rocket, and believes this to be a reference to a spacecraft and crew being assembled to traverse the gulf of space to his homeworld.

“Your prodding and poking of my beautiful Mongo will not go unpunished,” Ming announced over the Space-ether transmitter to the unhappy denizens of Earth.

“And attempts by professor Willow Zarkoff to ‘catch’ our native fauna will meet with the most terrible of vengeance!

“Pathetic Earthlings!” Ming is reported to have cried. “Who will save you now?!”

To which there came a replying cry from the Pokemon fans of Earth: “Ash! Aaaahahhhh! Saviour of the universe.”

When asked, Brian Blessed bellowed “Golduck’s alive!”

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