Friday 2 September 2016 by Neil Tollfree

First unassisted erection in 24 years causes Donald trump to question presidential ambition


Neil Tollfree

Republican candidate Donald Trump has been forced to re-examine his whole Presidential ambition after he achieved his first erection in 24 years that wasn’t chemically assisted.

“Hell. I don’t know,” said a reflective Mr Trump shortly after the momentous tumescence.

“The only reason I got into this Presidential thing was to feel like a big man. I mean, after 24 years of impotence, you’ll try anything.

“Maybe the whole thing was just compensation, I don’t know.”

It is understood that erection occurred whilst Mr Trump was sitting quietly thinking about other ways he could be unpleasant to foreigners.

“I went to show Melania. I mean, she couldn’t really see anything down there at first so she got her magnifying glass, and looking real close she could tell that little Private Trump was standing at attention.

“Immediately she vomited, which is her normal reaction. But when I told her I hadn’t taken any of them little blue pills, well, she was amazed.

“She just stood there going ‘Jesus Donnie, no pills? None? That’s incredible. You don’t want to do anything with it, do you?’ I guess she was joking about that last part.”

Mr Trump will consider his position overnight.

“This changes everything, if I can get it up regularly, then I won’t have to take out my sexual frustration on Muslims and Mexicans, and if that’s the case then I don’t know what I’ve got to offer the American people.”

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