Wednesday 31 August 2016 by Neil Tollfree

He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy, says Jeremy Corbyn’s mum


Jeremy Corbyn not the Messiah

With the increasingly cult-like devotion of Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters becoming ever more pronounced, Jeremy Corbyn’s Mum has been forced to address a large group of them hanging around outside his bedroom, telling them that ‘he’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy’.

The increasingly religious devotion to Jeremy Corbyn begun after his fan club newsletter – the Canary – made a series of outlandish claims about the Labour leader; that he could walk on water, that he could heal the sick with just a touch of his hand, and that he could successfully form a shadow cabinet.

Mr Corbyn’s disciples were energised and began to proselytise, dogmatically spreading the gospel of Jeremy throughout the land and unleashing their wrath upon any non-believer who dared question the one true Word. Or even those who just suggested that perhaps Mr Corbyn might want to make a few concessions to the middle-ground in order to achieve a genuine national mandate.

After several thousand disciples followed him to his Mum’s house, she was forced to intervene telling them that “there’s no Messiah here, there’s a mess alright, but no Messiah.”

When they didn’t leave, Mr Corbyn himself attempted to quell the situation, telling his supporters that “you are all individuals, you’ve got to think for yourselves; you’re all different.”

No one said anything.

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