Wednesday 31 August 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Hard-of-hearing drug addict excited for new Crystal Meth


Crystal Meth Crystal Maze

A local drug addict whose hearing has gone to shit is really looking forward to a fresh batch of crystal meth.

Simon Williams, 38, has been deaf in one ear ever since an explosion in his home-based meth lab.

“I’ve not cooked it since,” sighed a wistful Williams,

“But apparently some TV channel is cooking up a whole new batch and David Tennant is going to deliver it personally.

“Seems an unusual use of the license fee but buggered if I’m complaining.

“I just hope it’s as good as the last batch. That one really was a classic formula, and I hope it hasn’t been changed too much.

“It’s weird how everyone else is really excited for it as well, I never knew crystal meth was that popular. I guess Breaking Bad has a lot to answer for.”

Simon’s support worker, Elizabeth King, said, “I keep telling him they said Crystal Maze but he keeps telling me he ‘knows what he heard’, which isn’t actually something half-deaf people can ever really say with any kind of credibility.”

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