Tuesday 30 August 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Everyone required to bang on about celebrities ‘before’ mourning their death


People to bang on about celebrity before mourning them

Everybody has to incessantly go on about their favourite celebrity before being allowed to mourn their eventual death.

A new EU law has been passed today in order to placate the kind of smirking, snobbish little cunts who like to use a person’s death to question someone else’s integrity.

“Bowie, Rickman, Wilder… all these legends died and suddenly everyone is a massive fan,” smirked snobbish little cunt, Simon Williams.

“Take my mate Jay: I’ve never heard him even mention Gene Wilder, and suddenly it’s all he can talk about. How convenient.

“So I’m delighted this law has been passed. Good to see the EU do something useful for a change.”

Jay told us, “I’m not Simon’s ‘mate’, I just sit next to him at work.

“That said… I’m not quite sure how one ‘proves’ they’re a fan of something. Take Meatloaf as an example. I can’t just randomly bring up how much I enjoy the songs of Meatloaf because that would be a little bit odd.

“And he comes up so rarely in conversation that I rarely have the opportunity to affirm my love for his work.

“However, I really want to be allowed to be sad when Meatloaf dies, so from now on, I’ll constantly be playing his music in the office, and telling Simon over and over again that Bat Out of Hell is the greatest album of all time, that Bat Out of Hell II was severely under-rated and that Meatloaf’s 21st century output is better than anything Paul McCartney has done lately.

“Maybe then he’ll shut the fuck up and let me mourn things despite enjoying them too quietly by his standards.”

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