Saturday 27 August 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May successfully achieves convincing smile


Theresa May

Prime Minister Theresa May last night managed a convincing natural smile.

“I was stunned, I genuinely didn’t think she had it in her,” said a senior advisor.

Throughout her 24-year career in politics, Mrs May has always deployed a pained strangulated grimace when called upon to smile.

“We knew we had to deal with it,” said continued the advisor.

“So we’d been working on it with her by showing her old episodes of Only Fools and Horses and the Two Ronnies but Theresa doesn’t really understand the concept of comedy.”

But her team refused to give up after this setback.

“Humans have an inbuilt instinct to smile on seeing something cute or adorable, so we showed her some puppies.”

Sadly, it didn’t have the intended effect.

“Total disaster, she just wanted to ban them. High ranking Tories don’t get ‘adorable’. It’s our own fault really, we should have remembered how David Cameron stamped on that husky’s face after the famous photo was taken.”

However, even though the puppies didn’t have the desired effect, it gave the team the inspiration they needed.

“Crushing people’s rights. We know that Theresa enjoys it, it’s often her first instinct. So we hit upon the idea of having her rescinding the Human Rights act.”

It worked, Mrs May is reported to have lit up with a brilliant smile at the thought of the British public not having human rights.

“So from now on we’ve said to her that if ever she feels she should be smiling but can’t, simply remember that the UK is on a par with North Korea with not granting its citizens universal human rights.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: